Financial Woes = Growth Opportunity

So, money and I have never been close. That's an understatement! My money problems began way back in high school when I got my first job. I had no concept of budgeting and spent all my paychecks from the Track at Olive Garden, the movies, and taking my siblings out on extravagant dates. And then when it was time to pay car insurance, I'd have to scramble and somehow explain to my parents where my money went. The problem was, the money was so elusive. There one minute; gone the next.

Fast forward 14 years. I have a successful career, a good home, yet I still struggle to make ends meet. And that is SO frustrating. It is the ONE area I struggle to trust God with. It is the one thing in my life that can completely CONSUME my mind. "What if I did this...?" "What if I worked here...?" "What if I cut out...?" "What if I went back to school?" "What if I was married?" SO many questions and What IF situations...

I hate it.

And the more I ask myself questions, the more I get LOST in my own head. And the outside world becomes muffled around me and all I can think about is money and how there is never enough and then I play with numbers and my mind races with figures and hypothetical situations and then my shoulders become tense and my head pounds and the sum of it all makes me just want to run away.

Of course, all of this only explodes within my head when things are out of MY control and when things don't go as I planned them. The truth is, right now, my plans are SHOT. In my head, I would have magically obtained a roommate as soon as my former roommate Michelle moved to China, so that it wouldn't have inconvenienced me in the slightest. She moved at the end of July. And here we are...over half way finished with September...and still no roommate. Which makes me about $200 short per month, and that's cutting a lot of "stuff" out. I know $200 doesn't sound like a lot of money and in the grand scheme of things it isn't. But when that's gas money or grocery money or money that allows me to buy snacks for my classroom...it IS a big deal. And no matter how much I play with numbers, I don't have the POWER to create $200... I've done what I can on my side of things: I've networked, advertised, cut back, etc.

And YET. Two simple words that give me hope. And YET...God is Here. He is very much HERE, and in ALL of this, He is drawing me close to Him. Because I have tried, tried and TRIED to figure things out and there's just no way. So after all the growth of this summer, this is the ONE area God is calling me to trust Him in this fall. It is scary because it is the ONE area I have a hard time giving up control.

And SO. And so I am choosing to TRUST in Him. I was convicted the other night that so much WORRY without presenting to God is SIN, plain and simple. And so I LET go. I am choosing to trust in Him. I am putting myself in a position that is extremely vulnerable, humbling, and HARD to be in.

 YET, at the same time, there's a part of me that is excited that I am in a position to be desperately dependent on the Lord. It is a very sweet place to be. Not only that, but I am in a position where God can bless me through other people. I don't know what that looks like right now, but I feel PEACE about everything. It doesn't seem wise, and it sure as heck doesn't sound reasonable, but I am choosing to trust that God will PROVIDE. I know without a DOUBT that I won't go hungry these next few months. Things might be tight for a while but I know that all my needs will be met. And I am choosing to trust for my daily bread. And for now that is enough.

Beautiful Healing

This summer I had one of the sweetest opportunities to be a leader with Discipleship Focus here in Branson. I was a leader with Dfocus two summers ago in Pigeon Forge, TN; but this summer I decided to stay closer to home. One of the best parts of the summer was living life with these gals:

Jamie, Anne, Emily, and myself

 

 

God used each of these women this summer to challenge and encourage me and to hold me accountable to His truths. Throughout the summer, as I was leading seven college students, the Lord was also bringing me to a place of healing. I learned so much about myself and He showed me how I have allowed sin and shame to control my life for so long. I never allowed myself to truly live in His Grace. I had put God in a box and had decided that He was finished transforming me. Well, I was wrong. He is not done with me. Far from it!! Our lives are a PROCESS of being conformed into His image; it does not just happen overnight, or even in ten weeks.

So now I am entering into this new school year, in such a SWEET place with the Lord. I am HEALTHY and living in His FREEDOM. It feels amazing!

 

So amazing, in fact, that last week I decided to get baptized! I was baptized as an infant, but part of me has always wanted get baptized as an adult believer. And after such a meaningful summer, the timing was perfect. My church family gathered at the lake and four of us were baptized together. It was an especially special night for me because so many of my dearest friends were around me and even my parents came!

 

 Freedom at it's best.

 

 My dear friend Jamie. God did amazing things through this woman this summer and I will forever be grateful.

 My dear friend Melissa has been one of the dearest people in my life this past year. She went from being a parent volunteer two years ago, to a parent regular this past year, to one of my sweetest friends. Just love her!

 I love that Rick kissed me on his own initiative. :)

 I was honored that Jim Freeman agreed to baptize me. He's had such an important role in my relationship with God.

Sweet Erica and Eli. Such a faithful friend! We've been dear friends for many years now and living life with her is one of my favorite things!