Financial Woes = Growth Opportunity

So, money and I have never been close. That's an understatement! My money problems began way back in high school when I got my first job. I had no concept of budgeting and spent all my paychecks from the Track at Olive Garden, the movies, and taking my siblings out on extravagant dates. And then when it was time to pay car insurance, I'd have to scramble and somehow explain to my parents where my money went. The problem was, the money was so elusive. There one minute; gone the next.

Fast forward 14 years. I have a successful career, a good home, yet I still struggle to make ends meet. And that is SO frustrating. It is the ONE area I struggle to trust God with. It is the one thing in my life that can completely CONSUME my mind. "What if I did this...?" "What if I worked here...?" "What if I cut out...?" "What if I went back to school?" "What if I was married?" SO many questions and What IF situations...

I hate it.

And the more I ask myself questions, the more I get LOST in my own head. And the outside world becomes muffled around me and all I can think about is money and how there is never enough and then I play with numbers and my mind races with figures and hypothetical situations and then my shoulders become tense and my head pounds and the sum of it all makes me just want to run away.

Of course, all of this only explodes within my head when things are out of MY control and when things don't go as I planned them. The truth is, right now, my plans are SHOT. In my head, I would have magically obtained a roommate as soon as my former roommate Michelle moved to China, so that it wouldn't have inconvenienced me in the slightest. She moved at the end of July. And here we are...over half way finished with September...and still no roommate. Which makes me about $200 short per month, and that's cutting a lot of "stuff" out. I know $200 doesn't sound like a lot of money and in the grand scheme of things it isn't. But when that's gas money or grocery money or money that allows me to buy snacks for my classroom...it IS a big deal. And no matter how much I play with numbers, I don't have the POWER to create $200... I've done what I can on my side of things: I've networked, advertised, cut back, etc.

And YET. Two simple words that give me hope. And YET...God is Here. He is very much HERE, and in ALL of this, He is drawing me close to Him. Because I have tried, tried and TRIED to figure things out and there's just no way. So after all the growth of this summer, this is the ONE area God is calling me to trust Him in this fall. It is scary because it is the ONE area I have a hard time giving up control.

And SO. And so I am choosing to TRUST in Him. I was convicted the other night that so much WORRY without presenting to God is SIN, plain and simple. And so I LET go. I am choosing to trust in Him. I am putting myself in a position that is extremely vulnerable, humbling, and HARD to be in.

 YET, at the same time, there's a part of me that is excited that I am in a position to be desperately dependent on the Lord. It is a very sweet place to be. Not only that, but I am in a position where God can bless me through other people. I don't know what that looks like right now, but I feel PEACE about everything. It doesn't seem wise, and it sure as heck doesn't sound reasonable, but I am choosing to trust that God will PROVIDE. I know without a DOUBT that I won't go hungry these next few months. Things might be tight for a while but I know that all my needs will be met. And I am choosing to trust for my daily bread. And for now that is enough.

Beautiful Healing

This summer I had one of the sweetest opportunities to be a leader with Discipleship Focus here in Branson. I was a leader with Dfocus two summers ago in Pigeon Forge, TN; but this summer I decided to stay closer to home. One of the best parts of the summer was living life with these gals:

Jamie, Anne, Emily, and myself

 

 

God used each of these women this summer to challenge and encourage me and to hold me accountable to His truths. Throughout the summer, as I was leading seven college students, the Lord was also bringing me to a place of healing. I learned so much about myself and He showed me how I have allowed sin and shame to control my life for so long. I never allowed myself to truly live in His Grace. I had put God in a box and had decided that He was finished transforming me. Well, I was wrong. He is not done with me. Far from it!! Our lives are a PROCESS of being conformed into His image; it does not just happen overnight, or even in ten weeks.

So now I am entering into this new school year, in such a SWEET place with the Lord. I am HEALTHY and living in His FREEDOM. It feels amazing!

 

So amazing, in fact, that last week I decided to get baptized! I was baptized as an infant, but part of me has always wanted get baptized as an adult believer. And after such a meaningful summer, the timing was perfect. My church family gathered at the lake and four of us were baptized together. It was an especially special night for me because so many of my dearest friends were around me and even my parents came!

 

 Freedom at it's best.

 

 My dear friend Jamie. God did amazing things through this woman this summer and I will forever be grateful.

 My dear friend Melissa has been one of the dearest people in my life this past year. She went from being a parent volunteer two years ago, to a parent regular this past year, to one of my sweetest friends. Just love her!

 I love that Rick kissed me on his own initiative. :)

 I was honored that Jim Freeman agreed to baptize me. He's had such an important role in my relationship with God.

Sweet Erica and Eli. Such a faithful friend! We've been dear friends for many years now and living life with her is one of my favorite things!



A Spring in Review

#1: Singing with the Springfield Symphony
As many of you know, nothing makes me happier than singing passionately with an orchestra and full chorus. In March, I had the amazing opportunity to sing Brahm's Requiem with the Springfield Symphony. One of the sweetest parts of the whole experience was that I got to sing with my sister Victoria for the first time (classically) since she is a student at Missouri State. We even finagled a way to stand by each other! My parents came up before and took us to a cute Italian restaurant. It was fun for them to watch the two of us. The other amazing part of the night was that my dear friend Melissa and her daughter Emmy (who is in my class) came to watch me! Afterwards, they took me out on the town and we enjoyed amazing dessert crepes at a quaint creperie called the Aviary. I love the memories I made this night!
Victoria and I after singing...

 Here is my sweet student Emmy and I...

#2: Erica has a baby!!!
I know this isn't my baby, but seeing one of my dearest friends become a mother has been one of the highlights of my spring. I just love baby Eli Hosea and how sweet Erica is with him. He's my newest Sunday baby!

Such a pretty momma!

#4. SPRING BREAK: Florida!!

This Spring Break I got on an airplane and went down to Florida! I stayed with my dear friend Jana Sharp and my other deary Emily came down to join us. I spent a LOT of time just laying on the beach reading and it was AMAZING! I love the sweet memories I have with these dear friends.

My first ocean sand castle!

Sweet friends!



My view most of the week...




So excited!!



#5. Do your BEST on the MAP!!
As part of our MAP assembly this April, I rewrote the song Be Our Guest into Do Your Best. It was so much fun incorporating students and teachers into the song. My favorite part is that the teachers went all OUT as they danced and twirled behind me!

#6. A Whole New World Lip Sync
For my church, we did a fundraiser by performing various Lip Syncs. My friend Nick and I did a Star Wars/Aladdin number where I was Princess Leia and he was my "father' Darth Vader. Pretty fun!

#7. Sweet times with students!
This Spring I have had some fun opportunities with my students! I've been to a Springfield Cardinals baseball game, took a LONG trip with the gifted students, and went to the most fun eleven year old birthday party. I love that my relationships with these families can extend beyond the classroom walls. I have the best job!
Here are a few pictures:

Fun gifted kids!

Dodge ball!!

Sweetest mustache/sunglasses combo ever!

Love my time with the Piersons!

If you've made it this far down, congrats!! You are all caught up on my fun happenings this spring! Stay tuned for more about my summer! (Hopefully will be written SOON and not in August...:)

Low Carbing it UP!

On February 6th, I began a new adventure: I started the Atkin's Low Carb diet! The first phase lasts two weeks and limits your diet to 20 carbs a day. If you've ever paid attention to carbs, this pretty much limits your diets to salads, meats, cheeses and healthy fats. I stuck very rigidly to the first phase for 5 weeks before taking a break over Spring Break. Since Spring Break I have gradually added nuts and nut flours. It's definitely been one of the biggest challenges! So far I've lots just over 20 pounds! I'm at the lowest weight I've been at in since I was about 20. Since I started trying to lose weight two and a half years ago, I've lost a total of about 40 pounds. My goal then was to lose a total of 100 pounds and I want to keep going till I reach this goal, even if it takes a few more years. One of my favorite things about this diet is that I have a new challenge of finding clothes that fit correctly and don't hang off me like a flour sack! It's the first time in my life I have to go DOWN in size and NOT up!

So much for blogging regularly...

Well, as excited as I was in JANUARY to keep up this blog, it just didn't happen. Which would be a great example of how busy I am. Too busy. Uncomfortably busy. Needless to say, I'm excited for this school year to come to a close so I can just stop and take a deep breath. Let me start by reflecting on my spring...

Simplifying my LIFE!

It has been one of my biggest goals the past year and a half to simplify my life. Get rid of stuff and live more simply! Part of the process has been for me to go through EVERY corner, closet, shelf, cabinet, etc. in my condo and organize and purge! I have conquered most areas in my condo except my bedroom. I've lived at my condo for four and a half years and I haven't even finished decorating my bedroom! I've had a corner of the room stacked with pictures and knick knacks I've wanted to decorate with for years!

And I came to a startling realization the other day as I was looking at my bedroom...My bedroom looked exactly as it did in 2004. The same pictures from college, the same awards, graduation caps, same EVERYTHING! So, it was my goal over break to put stuff away, take stuff down, and simplify my bedroom. It also helped that I took down my ugly vertical blinds and replaced them with pretty new curtains. Here are some before and after shots...

BEFORE:

Photo and souvenirs from my trip to Japan...which was in 2003!

Photos from college and childhood...

 Childhood rocking chair and childhood stuffed animals. Put them safely in a container to give to my future children. No need to decorate with them now as a 28 year old!

 Cutesy stuff from college days...

 Photos from early college...

 More college memories...Nothing wrong with college. I had a great time, I just feel that my life has moved on and until I start living like that, I'll always be stuck here...in 2004.

 This (believe it or not) started out as a small corner of paintings and pictures I wanted to hang up in my room...As you can see, that has not happened!

 Needed to do some organizing in the desk area...

 And this stack of sweatshirts is just ugly

 Look at this crap!

 And my cute coffee table...buried under STUFF! And my ugly blinds...

 Yep, those are my graduation caps from college and my Masters...and my HIGH SCHOOL homecoming sash...and my Miss Congeniality sash from college and plaque. It's really like I saw my room for the first time in YEARS! Where have I been!

 National Honor Society sash...11 years later. Sad.

AFTER:

You can see my coffee table!!

 I replaced my childhood/stuffed animal shrine with my easel and simplified decor.

 Gone everything pre-2010!

 A nicer simpler look...

 Here's a recent collage of my family...

 My side table

 My new curtains with some of the new wall hangings.

Here's my new clock I hung up...pretty sure I bought it almost 2 years ago!

 Here's my messy corner...messy no more!!

All in all, I'm very pleased!! It makes me want to actually spend time in my room; not feel smothered in STUFF! I feel like I can actually breathe now!